Due Affection
July 12, 2009
As Christians we have all seen an alarming increase in the number of marriages that are struggling or have failed. Why? We better not avoid the question. Instead we need to take a hard look at what is happening and what we can do on our part to try and change that trend. I believe every one of us needs to take a look at ourselves and see whether we are contributors to the problem in our own marriages.
Like it or not, what we say and do, or don’t say and do, sets an example to those around us. Does the way you treat your spouse reflect a Christian example of marriage to your children and others that see you?
Numerous resources and research is available that show the various reasons why most marriages fail. Of those, most typically list the lack of communication as the number one problem in a marriage, followed closely by the lack of affection. The lack of affection here includes all types of affection, not just what occurs behind closed doors.
In Titus 2:1-5, older men and women are told to instruct the younger . This includes older women who are to instruct “young women to love their husbands”. In 1 Corinthians 7:3 the Bible says to “let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”
A popular theme today is to refrain from personal displays of affection while in public. As Christians we appear to have taken this idea to the extreme. As a result I rarely see couples holding hands let alone walking arm in arm, sitting side by side in the car or pew, and most would not think of kissing in public and especially not in front of their children. Our fear of going too far has caused too many to not show any affection at all. What example is that setting for the next generation?
Many of the same sources that list a lack of affection as a major cause for failure in marriage, also talk about one or both spouses growing up on a family that lacked affection. Unless we choose to change ourselves, we will keep repeating history.
Typically at this point one of the marriage partners will typically say that showing affection is just not their way of doing things. Unfortunately, selfishness and lack of affection go hand in hand. Failing to show affection to your partner is selfishness, whether it involves one or both. If you are not affectionate now, then you can choose to change. You have a choice.
In Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20 & 1 Thessalonians 5:26: the bible says to greet one another with a holy kiss. Isn’t that a pretty affectionate way to greet your brethren in public? Even though that is not a custom in this country, shouldn’t we be willing to set at least the same level of affectionate behavior with our spouses in public?
Keep in mind that it is the little things that can go a long way: a touch, a hug when your spouse is having a rough day, a tickle, a quick kiss. These things don’t cost any money, but in the end… PRICELESS!
Ron Ramage